please make it fair & equal, God :)

Gain much, lose more. Gain one, lose one. I think im good enough, in fact i cant even finish half of this rocky way. But i have to, so i will lose so many things. Well you dont smooth my way. At least dont make it tougher, harder. Please. Im begging.

yes. 10 versus one. All ten wants to be heard by one. But all the ten dont want to hear one. Pufttt. How come? So funny. LoL.

This is our successful-gonna-be project. Not mine. Im starving here. Bye bye. Hope the loss is equal with the final result =) victory !

bday girl :)

hohohohohoho, lagi mood ngupload poto 2 orang teman teman saya yang jelek :)) yang baru saja berulang tahun ke 20 !!! welcome to the second decade of your life ( nyahahahaa ) dan juga suka duka blok 17 yang baru saja berakhir .

praktikum di RSMH :) we'll miss you, obgyn departement !


nonton voli !


nurek. ( belom ditraktir nih ) hahahahaa


here you go, reren :)

his friends - the letter

A secret is revealed. The memories is recalled. I've reached another milestones. Without you. Its been 2 years. I got nothing, but memories. Its okay. Remembering your deep voice ( you speak English very very well *stunning*) , your papers hit my head, your charming smile, and our last 3 short conversations. My last 3 messages. Made many reasons to meet you. You are too good yet forbidden. Yes you are. And i was trapped in a delusional maze. Drunk.

So this is your fave song : iris - goo goo dolls. It will always be my fave also, together with enrique iglesias - somebody's me. You dont have to come back here. I wish u wont come back. Its amazing to know you, recalling your smile. But i cant stand your return. Have a good day mister :)

terkurung dalam sangkar emas, tenggelam dalam kolam susu, hanyut

silat lidah. salah lagi. salah lagi. ada aja salahnya. yang benar selalu dia. yang salah selalu saya. memang saya tidak punya hak apa apa, walaupun saya sudah melakukan kewajiban kewajiban saya, termasuk beberapa kewajiban seorang babu, pembantu, tukang cuci. dia harus didengar, ditaati. saya ingin paling tidak saya didengar. Yang salah selalu saya, beserta arus arus di sekitar saya.

Rasanya pengen hanyut di tengah arus ini. Syukur syukur bisa hanyut, nyangkut, dibawa terbang bangau, nyangkut di pancing orang. Hanyut saja rasanya pun masih perlu usaha.

Sebenarnya yg paling bagus melawan arus. Tapi bagaimana? Dengan cara sok bergaya gembel? Belajar tanpa henti? Atau nyembah nyembah matahari biar pinter? Atau ngepet? Hahaha. Mimpi.

Bertahan? Tidak ada lagi pegangan. Sudah bertahan segan hanyut tak mau. Saya sudah nyemplung.

Emang susah kalo gaya hidupnya begitu. Sigh. Itu toh yang namanya prinsip. Kalo jelek bikin gondok setengah mati. Prinsip yang parahnya kepentok zaman. Sudah mesti diperbaharui. Dengan prosesor lama, saya kuatir hal itu adalah amat sangat mustahil sekali. Sangat mustahil. Sangat.

we did it :)

Woahhhh. Finally we passed the 17th block ! I dont know whether the score will be good or just so-so :p but im glad glad glad - SUPER HAPPY its finished! But as usual, the effect of soca = post soca syndrome attacked me .

I solely admit that i wasnt ready for soca - not well prepared. Dehydration due to late osce ended with migrain forced me to do nothing but sleep in the night before soca. Crying was the best thing i could do on that day after having soca.

The prognosis for mcq... I think its bonam buuuuuuttttttt definitely we cant lie on mcq result itself -.-

but hey! Who wants to be crazy and jailed at house and keep moaning & crying for those soca things? Have fun guys! we had a crazy but super fun karaoke time on thursday !! Hahahaha. Started with lady gaga and ended up with the stupid black out, and then we went to check ratrot's eye ( rabunnn ni yeyyy :p )
what a happy thursday ! Thank youuuuuu !



NB : be ready for 18th block ;) pediatry - geriatry. Though one .. lol. Especially for me. Good luck everybody.

heart beat

the smell of chlorine, the elegance of white uniform, the stetoscope is hangin on my neck, the sound of heart beat, drop of blood, please smooth my way, ya Allah. i wont need another masks. all i need is YOU and books.

mandek semandek mandeknya mandek

awal bulan yang sangat buruk. Diawali dengan pertikaian orang orang yang sok , lalu diteruskan dengan tingkah laku orang orang goblok dan kekanak-kanakan, diteruskan dengan gombalan sampah orang yang mabuk cinta, dirusak oleh kelebosan orang yang minta perhatian dan diakhiri dengan kebohongan yang sangat kurang ajar. Semua terjadi hanya dalam 6 hari di awal bulan april. Bulan April memang masih panjang, masih ada hari hari lain di bulan april. Tapi awal bulan yang sumpek ini bikin ilfil. Sekarang tinggal berdoa dan berusaha mati matian buat pertengahan april yang diceriakan oleh ujian. Ya Tuhan, apa salah kalo aku minta masalahnya datang satu satu, jangan keoroyokan gini :(

i dont want the best.

Bagaimana jika, salah satu dari kenalan anda, mengatai anda f*ck di belakang anda ? Mungkin anda akan berkata. Apa peduliku? I dont need them. Dan mungkin masih bisa pasang muka 12 di depan dia. Lain hal nya jika teman dekat anda, mengatai anda munafik, atau sampah masyarakat, atau munak. Wow. I can forgive them ONCE, for the price of friendship. For the precious value of family's name. I can heal the wound. I can fix the broken glass. I can say sorry eventhough the mistakes was not made by me. Once. Then i keep being patient. But you did the mistakes, again. I didnt hear any words like sorry. Not even hi. Was that my turn, again? Do i have to do that, again? Why cant you say sorry for all the things that we've been through. Finally. Jadi selama ini nilainya cuma ini. No more than this. I took care of you. Was i your servant? Setelah bertanya tanya pada orang, yes. You acted like youre the boss. I was the servant. Thanks for opening my eyes pals. I did this again. Shit.
Now after a looooooong time ( too long ) you only say 'duluan ya' and 'hi' . Wew. Nice greetings. Even a dog can bark in front of me and i can consider it as greetings too.

And for you. I dont want to get involved . I only gave some opinions. You might find it as a rude, frontal one. Your problem is as complicated as mine. The same childish action. You just dont wanna listen. No trust. Please remember how many times we've said sorry first to you? No, im not saying : ih, ga ikhlas ya minta maap kmaren. So childish thinking. But hey. What have you done for this? We were friends and.. You still didnt know the real us. We wont steal anybody. We wont kill anybody. We will understand you IF YOU TELL US What you want, what you are afraid of, what the problem are.

For others. I believe you are mature and wise enough to sumarize, conclude an opinion, and understand the real problems not only from one point of view, one side. Dont directly say : minta maaflah, kasian, cuz i already did it for countless time. And you should know which one is the victim. Have a great day buddies. Beware, your best can be the worst :)

bipolar - up and down

March 31st

oh gosh. I felt terrible. That was the peak, worst level of my bipolar-like-syndrome. I couldn't find the best way to solve. All i knew that i was wishing that the day ended sooner and i would have forgot the problem in the next day. I couldnt sleep well although i'll have a short-relieveing vacation on friday. I woke up every 1 hour. Crap. I felt so useless. No hope. We should declare the unwanted choice. In other hand, i have to stop this unbelievable - stupid - itching feeling. This is not the right timeeeeee. Wrong wrong wrong. And my kepo level still remains high -.- please someone control me. Pleaseee.

April 1st
i woke up , as a depressed collegian. No passion to study. No willingness to try. I didint even watch the morning infotainment . LOL. Then I watched 3 idiots for the second time. Thanks ratrot. Hahaha. That wass the beginning of my mood elevation. Great. Then my mom fulfiled her promise to buy *something*. Anddd we bought soooo many snacks for friday :) i smell something good.

April 2nd
12:35 wib. Im here. Just heard another wonderful news from ririn. Oh God, No one can ruin my mood today, and i hope this will last at least for the next 1 week :p Alhamdulillah :) now i cant sleep! This is a huge euforia :p


have a great holiday!